Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
