The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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