Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
