That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
