I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
