I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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