Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
