I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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