I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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