I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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