how can u be prego again
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
