Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Randomize
