I think scott just propositioned me for sex
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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