JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you mean i was at the winter classic?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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