first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
