Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you had me at cake vodka
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
