I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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