any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
