Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
