By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
