i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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