singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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