you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
