Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i love accidental penises.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
