You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
