mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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