I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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