I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
