Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
