Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
