It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
