So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
