yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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