What did I eat last night that was bloody?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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