I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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