He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
