I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
