we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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