Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
