Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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