the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
