Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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