Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
