There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
