hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
