I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
