My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
