I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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