Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
