Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
