Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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